The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
