I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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