i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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