it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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