About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
