I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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