Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
