3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize