a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
