There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
