just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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