he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
a search helicopter?!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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