eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
