I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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