I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
