you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
