I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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