Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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