I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
