I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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