What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
