That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
