I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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