I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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