I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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