I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
