Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
