Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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