the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
