i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
