i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
