I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
