That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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