Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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