no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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