Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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