Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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