This is not my ceiling
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
