erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
