I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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