I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
