It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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