I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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