so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
