OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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