There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
