Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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