To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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