There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
