No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
