i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
