i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize