when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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