You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
