just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
