Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
