i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
