Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
