a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
