u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
