Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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