I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
