OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
