my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
