So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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