You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
