I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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