So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
